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Rude customers don’t usually expect you to hurl a javelin through them.

Scooby Don’t

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Never having encountered even one Ghost Pirate makes me glad I don’t have a dog. Or a van. Or friends.

On Technology

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Technology is what separates us from the Amish.

On Thor

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Thor is righteously mighty in his gloriously epic vikingry. Thor is an awesome Nordic Space-Jesus to the max.

Zelda: Skyward Sword Complete

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I finished playing through The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword the other day. The game and its ending were spectacular. It felt really rewarding to defeat the two final bosses (and immediately after single-handedly defeating an army) and ultimately beat the game. The final battle was amazing, and the ending video sequence was surprisingly lengthy and beautiful. I then set to work on any unfinished side quests, completing all but two that rapidly began to feel like non-fun wastes of my time. Temporary annoyance from those quests and the few frustrating parts of the game aside, after spending somewhere around 85 hours of mostly very-enjoyable saved playtime on this game, I decided myself finished with it and lent it to my niece to play through.

This leaves the only modern Zelda game I’ve not yet played all the way through: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I was thoroughly enjoying playing it when I got it shortly after it came out (I have 50 hours of saved playtime), but I wound up getting sidetracked by other life stuff. By the time I was finally ready to pick it back up again, I’d completely forgotten where I was in the game, what I was supposed to be doing at that point in the game, and just what the heck was going on in the game’s plot. I went back to doing other life stuff instead. Fortunately, I’m now motivated by beating Skyward Sword, and I can watch some random dude on YouTube play the game from the start all the way up to the point where I left off. It saves me from having to start the game over from scratch, and hopefully this dude is a faster player and will take a lot less than 50 hours to refresh my memory.

Maybe someday I’ll learn to love the 2-dimensional Zelda games, but Ocarina of Time, its console followups, and the DS Zelda games changed everything for me when it came to the series.

I’m coming for you next, Mario GalaxiesMario Galaxies 2, and the final level of Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels—you’re the only main-series Mario games I’ve not yet conquered.

Bean Bag Buccaneers


Bean Bag Buccaneers is a two player children’s game, the object of which is to pick up your treasure chest on the central island and sail back safely.

Each player has a giant sailing ship as their main game piece. Each ship has a removable sail, two trigger-action side panels, and a huge spring-driven cannon. Players take turns moving forward along a prescribed track and shooting bean bags at their opponent’s ship. A hit on one of the side panels will force it to pop off and give the player a free shot at the other side; a hit forcing the sail off becalms the ship for a turn.

To add to the pirate flavor, each player also has an eye patch. Wearing these will slightly affect depth perception and add a marginal bit of sport to the shooting.

This game retailed for the somewhat impressive sum of $16 back in 1962. With its huge plastic ships (close to a foot long), giant vinyl play mat, and the eye patches, it may well stand as one of the more overproduced games of the early 1960s. Bean Bag Buccaneers.

On Failure

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I have tried, and I have failed. Hey, they can’t all be zingers!

But at least I tried. Success couldn’t have been a possible outcome otherwise!

And if it isn’t in a man’s nature to ramrod his way in there and fuck some stuff up, then I don’t know what is.

I am no stranger to failure, and I’m actually better off for having learned from my failures than I would be coming off of a long winning streak and finding myself completely befuddled by what to do with meeting defeat for once.

Some say that the only way to win is not to play the game, and while this is indeed true of many things and keeps a person from inevitably encountering failure somewhere down the line, sometimes it’s just too late to choose not to play the game because you’re already in the thick of it.

If nothing else, I’m glad I made the effort of getting what I had to say off my chest… because if a man keeps something on his chest for too long, he’ll start to feel like he has boobs.

Goodbye Morning

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For some reason, waking up for me generally feels like being hit by a truck. I’m not sure why, but I don’t have to drink even a drop of alcohol to wake up feeling hungover. It reminds me of the painfully groggy emergence from cryonic hypersleep that you see in some science fiction movies.

I’m always glad when afternoon hits and I no longer feel this way.

Internet Exploder

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I am really tired of seeing/hearing the television commercial for Internet Explorer.

Tell me, Microsoft, just how bad does your FREE product have to be that you need to advertise it on television every five minutes? You’re giving it away with every Windows computer… and yet, for some reason, massive numbers of people are going out of their way not to use it?! Maybe it’s because this product is complete and utter garbage that should be obliterated from the entirety of history. Anyone who’s the least bit savvy is already using Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Opera, or something else completely.

To everyone else: be smart and don’t click the blue “e” unless a) it’s for the purpose of downloading a different browser or b) because it’s required by your employer. If the latter is the case, do please raise hell at work over the use of Internet Explorer—besides being a total jalopy to use, it’s a huge security hole and probably costing your company a fair amount of money paying IT staff overtime to do damage control caused by this awful, awful product.

Draw Again

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In addition to video games, I’ve also rekindled the hobby of drawing.

I’d always loved to draw, but quite a few years went by where it seemed like I just couldn’t make the time for it. I was thrilled when recently I started a handful of new pencil doodles to scan and color in Photoshop. One of my nieces took notice of this and made it a point to do more drawings when she visited, excitedly bringing my attention to each one.

Recently, she impressed me with a single vanishing point perspective line drawing. It made me eager to give her some pointers to achieve even greater illusion of depth in her future drawings, and it made me eager to introduce her to two-point and three-point perspective drawing. They say the best way to lead is by example, so I’m making an approximation of her drawing with added foreshortening and more parallel elements to contrast for depth. She’s already excited to learn these tricks and to see first-hand what a difference they make. I’m excited that I’ve been given a reason to draw a hallway to nowhere (except for doors leading to reptiles), with giant frogs on the ceiling and fish swimming within each step of the stairs.