Archive for the ‘Essays’ Category


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Rude customers don’t usually expect you to hurl a javelin through them.

On Technology

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Technology is what separates us from the Amish.

On Thor

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Thor is righteously mighty in his gloriously epic vikingry. Thor is an awesome Nordic Space-Jesus to the max.

On Failure

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I have tried, and I have failed. Hey, they can’t all be zingers!

But at least I tried. Success couldn’t have been a possible outcome otherwise!

And if it isn’t in a man’s nature to ramrod his way in there and fuck some stuff up, then I don’t know what is.

I am no stranger to failure, and I’m actually better off for having learned from my failures than I would be coming off of a long winning streak and finding myself completely befuddled by what to do with meeting defeat for once.

Some say that the only way to win is not to play the game, and while this is indeed true of many things and keeps a person from inevitably encountering failure somewhere down the line, sometimes it’s just too late to choose not to play the game because you’re already in the thick of it.

If nothing else, I’m glad I made the effort of getting what I had to say off my chest… because if a man keeps something on his chest for too long, he’ll start to feel like he has boobs.

On Dating

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Dating. It’s like shopping for a yacht at Walmart.

Good luck everybody! Cleanup on aisle six.